Worst 100 Make Out Songs of All Time

You're listening to WILDE, Uncyclopedia Smooth Jazz and easy listening. It's 10:02 and we're going to play down the list of the Worst 100 Make Out songs of all time. That's right folks sit back and relax as these songs will surely take you out of the mood. So sit back, and relax with your lady here on WILDE.

103. Love, Hate, Love, - Alice In Chains
"I want to peel the skin from your face" ain't exactly appropriate for a romantic moment.
102. Woman, Nature's Punching Bag - Anal Cunt
101. I Just Had Rough Sex With My Cat - Edwin Spearcouch
Self-explanatory.
100. YMCA - the Village People
Just not the type of song you want your girlfriend to know you have.
99. The Ring of Fire - Johnny Cash
"And it burns, burns, burns" is not the best lyric to hear, especially if you suspect your partner of having an STD
98. So What - the Anti-Nowhere League
http://www.lyricstime.com/anti-nowhere-league-so-what-lyrics.html Just look at these lyrics. . . ]
97. Rocketman - William Shatner
96. The I Love You Song from Barney
And you are how old?
95. If You Want to be Happy - Jimmy Soul
This song is especially bad if you are having a romantic evening with your wife.
94. Limbo
How low can you go?
93. Baby Got Back - Sir Mix-Alot
For some reason, women don't like to hear about why you like big butts.
94. Everyone Has Aids - D.V.D.A.(Matt Stone and Trey Parker)
93. I Want To Rape You - Spinal Fuck
No comment.
92. I Got Crabs(And You Do Too!) - Eselfick
91. Sorry Babe, But I Got Yellow Fever - User:Sic_one
90. Too Drunk to Fuck - The Dead Kennedys
89. Why Does It Hurt When I Pee? - Frank Zappa
88. I want to break free - Queen
Not a good way to show your love...unless your a child under Michael Jackson, in which case its perfect
87. We are the Champions - Queen
No girl likes to be bragged about
86. The Way You Do The Things You Do - The Temptations
"Listen to the lyrics - they are all a bunch of back-handed insults. For instance : "You've got a smile so bright, you know you could have been a candle". Consider the amount of lumens that a candle lets out. That ain't nothing compared to a light bulb or the sun. So, essentially, she barely brightens up your life. Even worse - "If good looks were minutes, you know you could have been an hour." That'll get her hot. Yeah, considering that there are 24 hours in a day, and the average amount of days a person will live, she's only worth 1/24 of a day in terms of good looks. So, she doesn't brighten up your life a lot and is a potential fire hazard, and she's really ugly. Then consider this, she gets compared to being a school-book (what girl doesn't like being compared to a book that everyone hates) and a crook. Not very loving."

85. Heartlight - Neil Diamond.
84. Come On and Dance with Wags The Dog - The Wiggles
83. Michael - Franz Ferdinand
It's not the best time to get out of the closet, is it?
82. Fuck me Jesus - Marduk
This is even worse if your girlfriend is religious.
81. First I Look At The Purse - J. Geils Band
80. The Magnificent Organ (album) - E. Power Biggs
79. Sleep In My Piss - GG Allin
78. D.I.V.O.R.C.E. - Tammy Wynette
77. Havin' My Baby - Paul Anka
76. Dive! Dive! Dive! - Bruce Dickinson
75. Harvester of Sorrow - Metallica
"Here are the lyrics if you're not convinced"

74. Beat It - Michael Jackson
"It just seems wrong. . . ."

73. Book-on-tape - Learning Business Spanish
"Are you going to the complimentary breakfast?" "Yeah, that'll get her hot."

72. Lick my tiny willie bitch - Anal Cunt.
"Self Explanitory"

71. Die, Die My Darling - The Misfits
70. She Rides - Danzig
69. Punk as Fuck - Circle Jerks
68. Grinder - -Judas Priest
67. Mechanix - Megadeth
66. Use Your Head - Overkill
65. Mouth For War - Pantera
64. Raining Blood - Slayer
"That would be a very messy situation"

63. Die Hard - Venom
62. Fear, Part One - Paul Di'Anno's Battlezone
"Brutal and cruel, another hard beating, the pleasure of hearing you cry"

61. Heartbreaker - Led Zeppelin
60. I Won't Pay Your Price - Motorhead
59. Every Song Ever Done By... - Morrissey
"Best lyricist ever? Yer maw! 'You have never been in love untill you see the stars reflect in the reservioirs.' All he's doing is trying to find a word that fits with the last. "Irish Blood, English Heart, this is what i'm made of'. Cool mate! Fantastic! Again, shite lyrics with all these tight-jeaned arsebandits pretending to be English shouting "MORRISSEY!" eating this shit up.

58. Mark is the ultimate sexanator - Mark
57. Angry Bryce Man - Bryce
"Bryce is the angriest fuck ever"

56. Unholy COnfessions-Avenged Sevenfold
55. severed-Mudvayne
54. Candy Man Can- Willy Wonka
53. I Wanna Fuck A Dog In The Ass - Blink 182
she will find out regardless

52. She Hates Me- Puddle of Mud
51. Anything by GG Allin. ' http://www.plyrics.com/g/ggallin.html look at the lyrics if you don't believe me
50. In Soviet Russia, crabs catch you! - The Soviet Russian Royal Marching Band
49. Cradle of Love - Billy Idol
Nothings says i love you like pedophilia.

48. Cotton Eye Joe - Rednex
Nothing says I love you like a song with barnyard animal sounds in it.

47. Bounce - system of a down
Unless you want a song about a gang bang then keep away from this

46. I Sent A Thank You Card To The Guy Who Raped You- Anal Cunt
45. The "Jeopardy" think music-Merv Griffin
Inspires you to say things like "What is your tongue tastes so good!" and "What is could you please take your shirt off?" Come on, people, it just sounds wrong! And no one makes out on the show!

44. Sussudio - Phil Collins
This conjures up visuals from the movie "American Psycho"

43. Tempted - Squeeze
Ooo baby, your sister is hot

42. The Break-up Song - Greg Kihn Band
41. You're Really Ugly (But There's Nobody Cute Around) - Strong Bad
40. Oops...I did it again-Britney Spears
Oops...I forgot the condoms! Do you mind getting an STD?

39. Funky Cold Medina - Tone-Loc
This song is wrong...so very, very, wrong.

38. Burn in My Light- Mercy Drive
Again burning not such a good thing and don't tell the one your with "I'm going to take what's mine!" or "Nothing is going to change what you've done to me!"

37. I'm Keeping Your Poop - Hayseed Dxixie
Not something you'd want her to know about!

36. Aaron Frater is now a member of the Pacific Pines Chess Club. He likes to make out with the Queen and the Knight. He currently is the proud owner of a Chess Butt Plug. He has made futile attempts to sleep with chicks in his chess club but was shocked to learn that they were all guys. He then attempted to fornicate with real women but was laughed at for having a penis size of -3 inches. Haha ET phone home for some real gay loving.
35. Suck my dog's dick - Wesley Willis
34. U Can't Touch This - MC Hammer
You had to ruin her fun, didn't you?
33. Sexicutioner - GWAR
"Give-a to me the 'golden shower'."

32. I lit your baby on fire - Anal cunt
31. Do I Creep You Out? - Weird Al Yankovic (a.k.a. Wired Al Yoinkivich)
30. Fuck Like a beast - W.A.S.P.
Nothing quite as fucked up, unless your girlfriend likes animal porn...

29. Whos Your Daddy - Lordi
"Whos your daddy, say whos your daddy, who puts you in your place! Whos your daddy, say whos your daddy, SURRENDER AND OBEY!!" Now tell me the truth about how that would sound? ^^ Please read it out loud!

28. Beeswax - Nirvana
Errrm...I don't really think she'd like to know you've got your "diddly spayed".

27. You Shook Me All Night Long-AC/DC
She was a fast machine is really inappropriate for the moment.

26. Date Rape - Sublime
25. I Don't Love You - My Chemical Romance.
You're not supposed to tell her!

24. I Used To Love Her - Guns N' Roses
"I used to love her but I had to kill her"




23. The Estrus March - The Tempora Equinox
22. Girls Just Wanna Have Fun - Cyndi Lauper
Well, if it's lesbian sex it's okay, I guess...

22. I Fuck The Dead - Three Sixes
Hmm... Well, probably not?

21. Group Sex - Circle Jerks
Unless you're into that sort of thing, of course.

20. I Hate Everything About You - Three Days Grace
19. White and Nerdy - Weird Al Yankovic
18. Don't Worry Be Happy- Bobby McFerrin
17. Fuck you Gently- Tenacious D
16. I Want You Dead- Kicked in the Head
15. Old Tyme Hardcore - Anal Cunt
14. Prelude To The Afternoon Of A Sexually Aroused Gas Mask - Frank Zappa
Seriously, in a blink of an eye, your girl is gone...

13. He Fell in Love with a Stormtrooper - Tank
My girlfriend isn't a gun-toting lump of plastic, is yours?

12. Take Me Home - John B
http://www.shaolintiger.com/2004/10/ Need I explain why not?

11. Orgasmatron - Sepultura
http://www.lyricshits.com/Sepultura-lyrics/Orgasmatron--song-lyrics.htm Check out the lyrics to see why. If any guy or girl ever plays this for a make out song, RUUUNNN!!!!

10. Meat Hook Sodomy - Cannibal Corpse
Read the lyrics. http://www.darklyrics.com/lyrics/cannibalcorpse/butcheredatbirth.html#1 Now that has gotta hurt, lots!

09. Fucked With A Knife - again Cannibal Corpse. No thanks.
08. Stripped, Raped And Strangled - Okay, anything by Cannibal Corpse is bad. We get it already.
07. Penis I See - Gwar
What the ??? You try to make sense of this by reading the lyrics http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/gwar/penisisee.html

06. Preschool Prostitute - Gwar
Okay, NEXT!

05. My Girly Ways - Gwar
Oh yeah, I'm so sure she'll think its a real turn on.

04. Fuckin' An Animal - Gwar
This speaks for itself.

03 Penile Drip - Gwar
If you have this you won't be getting any!

02 Fishfuck - Gwar
Nothing turns on a girl more then the smell of fish dick. Not!

Retrieved from "http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Worst_100_Make_Out_Songs_of_All_Time"

Pontes

Pontes. Pois, temos a estranha tendência para as deixar cair, a de entre-os-rios, a de benfica (aquando da colocação do tabuleiro novo para o comboio), a da IC19, a do eixo Norte-Sul (ou pelo menos uma parte).

Somos bons é nos túneis, tipo o acto de cavar, de nos afundarmos cada vez mais. Devia ser aí o investimento. No buraco.

Fui ver ontem o Zodiac. Interessante, esperava outra coisa, mas não deixou de ser interessante, talvez um pouco longo demais. Mas fiel aos factos, como se poderá constatar aqui.

Dia 24

274 BC - The first step towards capturing a unicorn is taken - finding a virgin.

Random Images

Quanto mais perto...

....mais custa.

E hoje não me apetece escrever nada aqui. Não sei porquê, não tenho tema, não que nos ultimos tempos tenha tido algum tema para colocar aqui, mas fundamentalmente não me apetece.

E isto é meu e faço o que me apetece.

Dia 23

1834 - The Force puts a DO NOT DISTURB sign on her door.

Terça.

E acho que o Sol se afastou pelo menos por 3 dias, segundo as previsões. Estas diferenças de temperatura não são nada boas, não convinha mesmo nada ficar doente nesta altura. Bem, se fosse NESTA altura até que não era muito mau, mas daqui a 15 dias não calhava nada bem.

E vamos bulir.

Dia 22

1888 - Start your own Reich day, in Germany

Gostei...

Segunda...

E falta tanto, e tão pouco.

Ontem foi vergonhoso. Não o facto do Porto ganhar, do SCP ficar em segundo, e o meu Benfas ficar em terceiro. Não foi ontem que se estabeleceram estas posições mas sim ao longo do campeonato. O que acho que foi vergonhoso foi a actuação do Belém. Para, não, jogar como o fez, mais valia nem terem posto os pés no relvado.

Uma Betoneira (Suzuki) no pódium de MotoGP também é notícia, numa corrida em que o 46 está cada vez mais longe, o qeu me agrada. Veremos em Mugello o que se passará, e principalmente se o 19 se porta bem.

De resto tudo na mesma. O que pode ou não ser bom...

Dia 20

1995 - Some Guy finally translates De Bello Gallico.

Dia 21

1453 - Hundred Years' War finally ends. France win after a penalty shoot-out

Mais um saturday....

Só para não ter azares, vou ter que fixar permanentemente o Öhlins à Carolina. Só para que não haja tentações dos amigos do alheio.
É que para quem não sabe, aquilo faz muita falta.

Mas, ai ai, e pronto lá vou eu para as lides laborais....

Dia 19

A long, long time ago - Jedi Purge Day

2005 - Attempting to stay in business, the free encyclopedia Wikipedia sells advertisements using a bizarre method: for one hundred dollars, you can have every noun in any one sentence replaced with your product's name permanently.

2005 - Later that Pepsi-Cola: Attempting to parody Pepsi-Cola, the free Pepsi-Cola Pepsi-Cola sells Pepsi-Colas using a bizarre Pepsi-Cola: for one hundred Pepsi-Colas, Pepsi-Cola can have every Pepsi-Cola in any one Pepsi-Cola replaced with your Pepsi-Cola's Pepsi-Cola permanently.

Infelizmente

Só pecava por tardio. Lá se foi o rádio do Bitó.... Enfim.

Hoje mais nada, apenas uma decisão, tenho de começar, tal como fiz com o leite, a dar também importância aos citrinos....

Dia 18

10 - Hannibal crosses the Alps and eats his enemies.

Se calhar fiz mal...

Em não aprender a tocar este instrumento...



Assisto a cada concerto....

Sinto-me...

Egípcio... por volta da 20 dinastia...
Isto porque adoro o Sol.
Ou, melhor dizendo, não me importava de o adorar mais em privado...
Cenas!

Companhia

Encontrei companhia para a viagem. Mais um doido. Sempre me tira um peso das costas. Literalmente.

E outra coisa, não estava à espera de conhecer tão intimamente a geração SMS. Em que tu se resolve por essa via. Mas enfim. Live and learn!

Após um dia de interregno

Em que decidi mudar de ambiente e passar um belo dia perto do meu aquário (Não foi assim tanto uma opção minha, mais uma opção intestinal) eis que estou de volta!

Primeiro, parabéns Hitman!
Segundo, parabéns Cuco!

Ontem também aprendi outra, mais uma, lição de vida. Há efectivamente pessoas mais acagaçadas em viver que eu. E pensava eu que tal não era possível. Mas é. A estada nesta vida irá, concerteza, mostrar-lhes o quão erradas estão, e o quanto perderam por ser assim.

Dia 16

A long, long time ago - The tyrranic reign of intergalactic emperor Palpatine came to an end in a galaxy far, far away.

Dia 17

1927 - Everybody gets depressed

Suicide´s an alternative

Sick of people - no ones real
Sick of chicks - they're all bitches
Sick of you - you're too hip
Sick of life - it sucks

Suicide's an alternative

Sick of trying - what's the point
Sick of talking - no one listens
Sick of listening - it's all lies
Sick of thinking - just end up confused
Sick of moving - never get no where
Sick of myself - don't wanna live
Sick and tired - and no one cares
Sick of life - it sucks

Sick of politics - for the rich
Sick of power - only oppresses
Sick of government - full of tyrants
Sick of school - total brainwash
Sick of music - top 40 sucks
Sick of myself - don't wanna live
Sick and tired - and no one cares
Sick of life - it sucks

Suicide's an alternative

Sick of life - it sucks
Sick and tired - and no one cares
Sick of myself - don't wanna live
Sick of living - I'm gonna die

Só espero...

Que não haja tantos eventos para compartilhar com a gente. Upps spoke too soon, afinal há. Interessantes também.

Tenho sorte, mas sou apressado. Afinal não perdi os óculos, mas comprei outros... O que é bom e mau.

Diga-se de passagem que já não digo coisa com coisa, estou cada dia mais ansioso.

Por isso é melhor concentrar-me no trabalho.

E amanhã há um aniversário de peso. A dúvida é se eu irei continuar com a minha atitude perante as substâncias que ingeria ou não. A ver vamos.

Estou a pesquisar o maravilhoso mundo das águas sem gás, com todos os seus sabores....

Dia 15

2008 - Recent tests prove that the remains of George Bush are capable of curing cancer, AIDS, the flu, hair loss, and low gas milage. Once again, the country doesn't seem to mind

23

Já aqui falei, mas agora com outro sentido. São os dias que faltam para ter pela primeira vez em muitos anos paz e sossego....

The Wildhearts

Para relembrar, bons, velhos tempos.

"SuckerPunch"

can't believe that I got so down I dropped my guard again hit me! hit me!
palpitations and goo-goo eyes, the transformation is sad and sickly
she pulled out a "Tyson" from out of the blue, and met with a sickening crunch

CHORUS:
she got me... woah, she got me
she got me... with a suckerpunch


senses reeling from too much shit, I hit the floor again, panic, panic!
calm and cold as a witches tit, sometimes I think I act cosmically
with all of the shit that flew out of my lips, there's no use in asking much

CHORUS:
she got me... woah, she got me
she got me... with a sucker... sucker... sucker... waah, you fucker!


(one... two... three... four...)
{mosh!}

why I see her face in a million stars, I'm wondering
thought I had good taste 'til I found I'd none at all
nearly did appear as the asshole of the year
and then she strikes...
and now I'm back, the guy I've been, before the idiot sat in

can't believe that I got so down, it probably happens on a daily basis
many millions of messed up minds compete to win in the loser races
peeling my mind like she's one of a kind, or maybe just out to lunch

CHORUS:
she got me... woah, she got me
she got me... with a suckerpunch

E siga, que é mais uma.

Mais uma semana entenda-se. Após um fim de semana saudavelmente cansativo, de volta ao não tão saudável trabalho, porque isto cansa e não faz bem nenhum. Bem, à carteira faz. E consequentemente a tudo o que a carteira permite.

Pensado noutra coisa, a justificação plausível para não se ter tomado a atitude que se deveria, e que se prometeu:

- Fui raptado por seres alienígenas do planeta Suomaf Esourg;
- Decidi ir mergulhar e ambos os braços foram cortados por uma hélice de um fora-de-borda;
- Vi-me no meio de um assalto a uma mercearia perpetrado por terroristas libaneses de férias na zona;
- Sou a Madeleine, por isso agora estou um pouco impedida de fazer seja o que for;
- Não me apeteceu;
- Estou-me pouco cagando.

Poderiam ser muitas mais.
Mas por agora chegam.

E agora trabalhar, que à hora de almoço espero comer um brownie com gelado. Quem diz à hora de almoço diz sempre...

Dia 13

1917 - Três crianças camponesas afirmam ter visto a Virgem Maria, perto de Fátima, Portugal. Eles negam que tal facto tenha algo a ver com a Marijuana que se encontrava a crescer no mesmo local.

Dia 14

1973 - Skylab, the United States' first space station, is launched.

1979 - Skylight, the glass thing in my goddamned roof, is greatly expanded by Skylab's wonderful return to Earth. Dammit

O "Oscar Wilde" da Uncyclopedia...

Tem-se am alta conta, a ver por esta introdução:

"His Wildeliness, Imperial Dark Lord of the Sith, Ultimate War Supreme Grand Mafioso, Uncyclopedic Holiness, Dread Mistress of the Night, The One The First, Commander of everything commendable, lord of R'lyeh, 68th degree Archpriest, MSCE, Silver Warlord, Asshole of the Highest Order, Archmage of Bone, Drunken Master, Lord of the Clouded Ruby, Master Beta, The Ruined One, Count of Starstone, Lord David of Ham, General Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche Darth Overlord Oscar Fingal O'Flaherty Gregorian Eggain Meyer Horatio Tatumkolo M'babwe Babwe Afrika Al-Hafez Shankar Chaurasia Hussain Ustad Imam Caliph "That guy" Никола́й Васи́льевич Го́голь Trujillo Veracruz Clifford Lee Burton Duc Duc Goose de Franche Comte "The Pimp" O'le Biscuitbarrel F'tang "I'm not gay, honest" Wilde XXVIII Jr., Comrade Peoples' Commissar for the Internal Production of the Peopless Beets and the Peoples Vodka, immortal God, El Señor Mexicano Misterioso Del Lago Del Sagrado Corazón de Jesús y Anexas Pero No Vive en La Tierra De Mujeres, President for Life, Maximum Chief of the Revolution, Knight Who Says Ni, Apostle of National Unity, Benefactor of the Poor, Patron of Commerce and Industry, Electrifier of Souls, Pooty Tang O São Jão Bão da Bôca, Esquire of the Magistrate Most Worthy, Duke of Drag Queens, The Dancing Flamingo, The Boss, The Main Man, The Big Cheese, The Head Huncho and possible alter-ego of Black Jesus, also known as The Irish poet, "Big, Bearded, Bonking, Butch Phil Osophy" and "Macho Commando""

Melhorias

E mais outro sábado. Este menos bom, mas isso só a mim compete saber porquê... :-)

Tem sido muito produtivo o abandono do alcool (não sei onde o deixei, por iso se encontrarem algum, é meu), sexta da semana anterior foi bastante produtiva na bola, terça, idem, nesta última sexta foi muito bom, tendo eu inclusive marcado o segundo, sim segundo, golo da minha vida. As setas acabaram, ganhamos o jogo, sendo por isso uma boa despedida.

Coisa menos boa, vou ter de gastar dinheiro nuns óculos de sol, não sei dos meus. Acho que vou mudar de marca, o verde Ray-Ban tem sido companheiro, mas entre partir hastes, lentes, perder, sentar-me em cima deles, e etc não têm trazido muita sorte.

Mudar, talvez, para a Oakley, ou algo assim.

E pronto, trabalhar mais um pouco que também é preciso.

Amanhã mais dois jogos da bola, manhã e à noite.

Peso a diminuir em grande....

Dia 12
(tem de ser em inglês)

2003 - Pocahontas sells her memoir "Hokey Pokey: Frolicking, Singing, and Doing a White Guy" to Disney, which is then made into a hit movie.